Last night of the term: special things – Karaoke, Disco, Funny Hats. Lots of young people.
We come together at the end, I planned to speak of the joy of Christmas, the mystery of the incarnation, the outrageousness of God stepping into our world… and then I caught sight of the state of the toilets.
Water, mud, footprints on the toilet seats; the work of waterfights and I had failed to spot it during my mp3-spinning and karaoke-setup.
[caption id=”attachment_663″ align=”alignnone” width=”404″ caption=”not one of our muddy footprints, but I needed something to break up the text of this moan”
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My heart sank. This is the level at which they value the youth club; this is how much they think of the only youth work in this area; and I lost it.
How could I speak of His love with this anger, this upset burning within me? What a wasted opportunity. What a shame. How I let them down and let such a little thing overwhelm me. Damn.
At this point, I can’t see the point in continually putting out for them: for spending time and money and effort and putting myself of the line for them. I will probably feel different when the new term comes around after Christmas, but at this moment…
fx
It’s wretched, isn’t it…but I guess you’ll carry on because it’s all there in that phrase “putting myself on the line for them” because, in a thoroughly uncomfortable and often incomprehensible way, that’s pretty much what we’re for.
You really do have my admiration and my sympathy (and even the odd prayer). You WILL be making a difference. Acorns, mustard seeds, you know….
We’re hosting the area Youth event at the church school tomorrow – but I have even more angsts about that, due to the brand of theology which is behind it…but with nobody able to engage with youth work in my congregation at the moment (average age issues!) how can I refuse to let an enthusiastic and gifted team of youth ministers engage with the young people who so much need some sort of positive input…but oh dear, what they may learn about God does worry me.
And now I’ve highjacked your comments box for my very own rant. Apologies!
Whoops…there was a deep sigh after the fx which somehow got edited out. Which kind of merits a second deep sigh of its own!