This morning sees me at 87.3kg – and the excellent MyFitnessPal system has momentously dropped by daily calorie goal to 1600Kcal a day, so it’s going to be harder now. The reason it is going to be harder is this: food obsesses me. Hunger, Blood Sugar (I have been an Insulin-dependent diabetic for the past 27 years), calories, hypos and hypers, the pleasure of cooking and eating all dominate my thinking and then the associated guilt that it’s all too self-absorbed and that  this is an introspective conceit. Thin people simply don’t think about food. I do all the time, and I’m not disciplined enough to resist the temptation of self-indulgence. This isn’t sin, but I’m fairly convinced that my self-absorption with it is sinful.

Over the years my weight has meant that I have become more and more Insulin-resistant – requiring more and more insulin to try and control my blood sugars which have at best been mediocre. I have got to this point remarkably without many severe complications (praise God!) but better control can only come via smaller doses: I can only take control over my HbA1c once my weight is lower. It would seem that these blocks need to be lined up in a row, and dealt with one-by-one.

Still, Christmas is coming and it’ll all go to pot over that time, as I am so prone to grazing and snacking…